I keep doing it wrong I’m looking at me,
myself, moi, I, personally
I know I came with my own set of hurts and of broken
I regret things that I’ve done and words that I’ve spoken
Who I am in you is so far from what I actually see
But all of that is because of You, with little to no help from me
You tell me to seek truth, speak truth, so the truth can set me free
You say hold still as you try to sanctify me
But I toss like a wave in an ocean of unbelief
Not in you but in me and I need some relief
In light of your goodness and grace I hate what I do
Then I’ll do it again I have no follow through
I’ll ask your forgiveness for the sin and the shame
And I promise to try harder but in this sin I remain
And I’ve tried to condemn myself time and again
To prove that I love you and that I hate my sin
But that only serves to keep myself thinking of me
As I nail myself to the hypocrisy tree
See I know all the songs, I know them by heart
And every time my church opens, I’m taking part
And I read the word and memorize too
But this heart is so scared to just believe You
I look up your word in Hebrew and Greek
Every morning I’m here and it’s you that I seek
It’s easy to believe what you say about you
I know that it’s real I believe that it’s true
And I have not one doubt that you uphold the universe by the power of your word
That you died on day one and were risen the third
I know you ascended, Lord of lords, King of kings
I believe you have done every miraculous thing
I never doubt the prophet’s predictions, angels appearing, the virgin birth
I just struggle to know that I have real worth
I can see in my mind the Garden of Eden and the parting of the Red Sea
I just can’t understand why you’d choose to help me
See I know that you love me, I know that that’s real
It’s my feelings that lie and the accuser that steals
The whispers they come and say you’re on your own
Help yourself out then sit on your throne
Crown yourself weak or crown yourself strong
Crown yourself something even if it’s so wrong
Because whenever I look and focus on me, myself and I
I can’t see you and it’s the truth I crucify
Because apart from you I have not one good thing
Nothing to offer, nothing to bring
But IN you Jesus Christ, I’m the righteousness of God
I’m made holy and pure and completely unflawed
I’m called and I’m chosen, forgiven and complete
By the scars on Your hands, Your head and Your feet
You tell me to speak truth so I’m speaking it now
Your word tells me the way and then shows me how
The truth is simple, the truth is free
Jesus died to pardon me
And because He died and rose again
Then no weapon formed against me can win
I can speak truth and I can live free
I can hold still while you sanctify me
You are the truest of loves, to which nothing compares
And while the accuser accuses, still my heart declares
You are in all and are all, a consuming fire of grace
By your mercy I’m running and will finish this race
So Jesus help me today in the right here and now
To hold on to the truth that is in you and live it somehow
Help me to speak truth and live truth like it’s my occupation
And help me to pick up the sword of the Spirit when faced with temptation
Help me fix my eyes on the author and finisher of my faithfulness
Where you become more and I become less
Awaken the places in me that are asleep like the dead
And help me remember ‘blessed is she who believed what the LORD said’

Bobbi Adams 2017
Photo credit: Bobbi Adams