“If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. John 12:26
I drive about 35-40 minutes a day to work. Every day, I get there at a different time. Even If I leave early, I might get there a couple of minutes late and I have left late and gotten there on time. It’s so frustrating because I am at the mercy of whomever I follow. Are they distracted, on their phone, paying attention? I always seem to end up behind someone who is not doing the speed limit but just taking their phone out for a leisurely drive. Distracted, not going when the light turns green, you know the drill. I absolutely cannot stand being at the mercy of someone else. I want to get to work or get home from work with no unnecessary delays. Why don’t they want that as well? I don’t want to be stuck behind somebody that doesn’t know or care what they are doing.
Our whole lives seem to have become about who we follow. Who we “get behind”. Facebook, Instagram, X, Tik Tok. Who do you follow? There are, according to datareportal.com, 4.95 billion social media users with over 215 million users in the last year alone. How many followers do you have, and where are you taking them? We follow people who have power, influence, looks, fortune or fame. We follow those who make us feel how we want to feel or look or be. Influencers, bosses, artists, actors, friends, the list is endless. You can even wrongly follow a Christian leader in the hopes they can work out the Bible, the journey for you. They can’t.
Jesus said “follow me”. He said it more than once. How closely do you follow Jesus? Close enough to see Him up ahead? Close enough to reach out your hand to Him? I vacillate ALL day long. One moment I’m within a breath, praying or praising and the next moment I look around and He is not even in my sight. I can’t even squint Him into focus. Fear is a window fogger for me. I can project years into the future in my mind and when I do, Jesus is typically not there in my imaginings. It’s just me still trying to figure out the how and the why. More days than I care to admit, following Jesus is a moment-by-moment decision for an over thinker like me. The Bible says to “take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). The Greek translation of captive here (G163) means to take captive (in war), to bring under control. If you are over thinker, you know this can be a full-time job some days. It’s exhausting. I do not naturally have the mind of Christ. I’m forgiving one moment and the next I’m asking for forgiveness for my thoughts or actions. I want to follow, and I want to lead. I want to submit myself fully to Him and I want Him to submit to my wants, my timing and my hopes. I want Him to change my thoughts for me. Oh, the wretched humanity that resides in me! I’m with Paul, I do not understand my own actions, for I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate (Romans 7:15). I am human. Laying down my wants, hopes, desires, even needs, and picking up my cross to follow Jesus is holding those two things, one in each hand, at all times. The tension is intense. It is not Me vs. Jesus, it’s me with Jesus vs. me alone. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says Let go and let God. While that is a great reminder for those who already know how, it’s salt in the wound for those of us who struggle to just let it go. The more “self” you have to begin with, the harder it is to follow obediently. “Self” being selfishness or fear, trauma or shame. Whatever makes you defend yourself and depend on yourself. Jesus wants us to give those things to Him. Are you weary, heavy burdened? I’m not going to tell you to lay it all down at His feet, He told us to do that. To come to Him, broken, banged up, hurting and lost. To bring all that baggage that makes you weary. I haven’t perfected it yet either, at least not all at once. I do know if I stay close to Him in prayer, reading His word and thinking about what I’ve read, He draws near to me. His thoughts in my thoughts, the ability to forgive, compassion for others. The ability to love in spite of the pain, the grief and anger. To put a leash on it so that I can take it for a walk, but it can’t take me for one. To step outside of myself and see the world just a little more like He does. His precious creation. The souls around me that I would pass by without a thought are the very people He loves so dearly. He loved us to death, and He loves us to resurrection and eternity too. Jesus doesn’t give us a treasure map to find Him, He is the treasure and the map. In Him are life and salvation and He is so worthy of the struggle! Keep holding your space friends, in the tension, the drama and pain. Keep turning to Him to take every thought captive. You are at the mercy of who you follow and there is only one worthy, Jesus.
©Bobbi Adams 2023
An Imperfect Christian 