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Communication of heaven

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Deuteronomy 8:3

And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word[a] that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

Sometimes, answered prayer comes in a way that is so overwhelming and abundant that it brings immediate joy and worship. God did the thing and we sit back in awe and wonder. It’s the answer we never even knew we could hope for. Sometimes, more often it seems, it is not like that. We pray knowing that only the Lord can help, move, fix our situations and His response is slow or seems so much less than what we hoped for.

When the Israelites were led out of Egypt, under circumstances like no other, they were headed to The Promised Land. A land flowing with milk and honey. Provision and protection. A land God had promised their ancestor Abraham centuries ago (Genesis 12:1). 430 years later, the promise of the Lord was coming to pass. He delivered them from slavery and set out on what would be the longest 11day trip in history.

On the 10th day of Abib (Aviv) they were slaves on the 11th day they were packing up and moving out. Sweet freedom. They had witnessed God’s mighty had, 10 plagues of mass destruction and plundered their captors to better secure their futures. God led them gently with a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day. There was no doubt who was in charge, who was leading.

They passed through the parted red sea, watched their enslavers be destroyed and stepped out on the other side baptized in the Lord’s goodness and mercy. They were a convoy of the covenant. 34 days later, Exodus 16 says the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness.

Exodus 16:3 and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”

Exodus 12:38 said they left Egypt with very much livestock, both flocks and herds. So we know they had meat. They needed to preserve their livestock but they were not in dire straights here. What they didn’t have was bread. The unleavened bread they had when they left Egypt was long gone. They missed bread. They missed bread so much that they were willing to sin against The Lord and accuse Him of tricking them and bringing them out into the desert to kill them. They had protein but no carbs. They had what they needed to survive but they wanted comfort. A warm crusty loaf of bread to sop up the juices of the meat. Sitting around the fire, the smells of roasting meat and fresh baked bread, the smell of home. Even if that home was a prison. It was what they knew. They were willing to trade freedom for carbs. I have never understood anyone more.

Then the Lord told Moses, you let them know, I’m about to rain bread from heaven (EX 16:4). He would wake them up the next morning with answered prayer. While they slept, He brought manna. No one had ever seen it before. The Lord was doing a new thing. Manna in Hebrew means What is it? It was a fine, flake like thing, fine as frost on the ground. They had to gather the What is it, grind it in hand mills or beat it in mortars, boil it in pots and make cakes of it (Numbers 11:8). I’m pretty sure that’s not what they had in mind. Gathering flakes off of the ground? They wanted sympathy for their struggles, comfort for their confinement, they wanted bread and God sent them an ingredient. He sent them “What is it”? How long does it take to go from What is it to Is that it? They cried out to the Lord for deliverance and He did then they wanted to return to captivity. He sent them supernatural bread and quail to eat and they complained it wasn’t enough. Such a human response. They wanted freedom at no cost, comfort with no effort and deliverance with no pain. They were fragile and hungry. God was trying to write a multi-generational story that would mirror His Son redeeming us and our journey to heaven but of course they didn’t know that. They could only see their hurt and pain and trauma. The pain of right now. The scars of suffering were fresh, still aching in their hearts. Grief and trauma can make us viciously selfish. Myopic in our own pain. They met God in a way no one had ever known Him but chose to look at the Pillar of Fire and ask for a sandwich. 40 years later Moses was preparing them to go into the promise land without him and he said in Deuteronomy 8:3 And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word[a] that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Does that sound familiar?

When Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted for 40 days and 40 nights Matthew 4:2-4 says:

And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” But he answered, “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone,
but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Redemption.

35 DAYS into the wilderness they cried out for bread. 35 GENERATIONS later they got it. Jesus redeemed the sin from their wilderness, in His wilderness, even before He began His ministry. He knew it wasn’t just about bread because He knew He WAS the Bread (John 6:35). He was the answer to their souls cry so long ago. They were hungry, we are hungry today. We long for bread but sometimes, we get manna. We want the -Here you go but more often get the -What is it. It is so important to know and remember that God is working, doing and redeeming every step of our way. We can’t see the future, we only know we want the comfort now. We also know the one thing they didn’t, praising Him for the manna in our wilderness. To keep our What is it from becoming Is that it? Oh, that is so hard! The Lord provided manna for them until the day they reached The Promise Land. He does it for us too. Look around. Look at what The Lord has done for you your whole life. Don’t despise the ingredient. God gave you that because He knew you could make something beautiful and life sustaining from it.

©Bobbi Adams 2023

Christ in us

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Oh Mary. I can’t even imagine what she must have been thinking all of those years ago. Just a human girl, getting a visitation from an angel. Not only that, but the news he delivered in only 8 sentences, would absolutely shatter her world, her relationships and her reputation but she responded with “let it be to me as you have said”. She was clearly waiting for the Messiah, so much so, that when God sent His messenger to tell her she would be the vessel to carry the most precious child ever to have been born she was ready! She didn’t argue, it doesn’t say she cried or was afraid, she said let it happen exactly how the Lord says. Jesus, who all things are made through, made Himself to be a human baby to save all mankind. A holy seed in a completely human body. The infallible in the fallible. The wholeness of God in an ordinary, fragile vial.

That she said yes, not understanding the plan showed so much trust. She didn’t even understand the enormity of what her son would accomplish. She had no idea. She said yes in the moment as God knew she would.

What an incredible example of faith. She wasn’t perfect and certainly not holy. She was not who the world would have looked at as powerful or of any consequence but The Lord saw her heart and chose her to be His mother. Wow. What would the world be if each Christian said to God today, let it be to me as you will. And then said it again tomorrow and the next day and the next. Such freedom in an utterly terrifying statement. It will cost us. Our money, time, ego and pride. It will cost us everything and in the end nothing that really mattered.

To walk in the gates of heaven and have Jesus say – you left nothing on the table! You didn’t bury a single mina in the back yard! You spent every ounce of faith I gave you! You let it be what I, The Lord, wanted!

We are the ones to carry Christ in us now. The torch has passed to us. We are the fragile containers to carry the unconquerable Messiah. Emmanuel, God with us, in us. May we be strong enough, to trust God enough, because we are not enough, but He is!

© Bobbi Adams

Israel

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I love Israel. A land I have never and probably will never see. The only country in history whose borders were measured out by the will of God Himself. Israel, where the promises of God materialized. Literally, The Promise land. A foreshadow of all that is yet to come. The God of all creation taking His people through the impossible by doing the impossible, to deliver them to a land where He would bless them. Our journey to Heaven mirrored so long ago.

Israel, where God chose to birth a nation and where He chose to birth His only begotten Son, Jesus, our Jewish Messiah.

You cannot reset boundaries made by God. You cannot determine the fate of a nation blessed by God. And you better believe you cannot stand against a nation protected by God.

The feet of Christ walked that land. The tears of my Savior were shed in that land. The King of kings and Lord of lords living and dying, shedding His blood for me, by His choice, in the holy land of Israel. The very DNA of God exists in Israel alone. What a precious land indeed.

© Bobbi Adams 2023

Bones and arrows

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May your word be the arrow to pierce my stubborn bones and reach the marrow to give me new life, all new life

All things beautiful, all things new Put together all through you to give life, all new life

You crush the grape, to bring forth wine it takes more, it takes time to bring life, all new life

You promised me the promised land but never left my side while I walked the desert sand I want new life, precious life

You say child just be silent, just stay still But I can’t hear you, I’m busy telling you my will Lord help me lay down this life

Speak to me once again like you used to when we were friends, tell me something fresh and new secrets known by only you, whisk me to the mountain top where hope runs freely and doesn’t stop, take my heart of stone and let it be A heart of flesh not misery, When I am your beloved and you are mine Your word the life, the soul, the brine, make of me what you desire make me pure with holy fire, your arrows finding their mark so true A life worth living, is only one spent with you

©Bobbi Adams 2023

Following

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“If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. John 12:26

I drive about 35-40 minutes a day to work. Every day, I get there at a different time. Even If I leave early, I might get there a couple of minutes late and I have left late and gotten there on time. It’s so frustrating because I am at the mercy of whomever I follow. Are they distracted, on their phone, paying attention? I always seem to end up behind someone who is not doing the speed limit but just taking their phone out for a leisurely drive. Distracted, not going when the light turns green, you know the drill. I absolutely cannot stand being at the mercy of someone else. I want to get to work or get home from work with no unnecessary delays. Why don’t they want that as well? I don’t want to be stuck behind somebody that doesn’t know or care what they are doing.

Our whole lives seem to have become about who we follow. Who we “get behind”. Facebook, Instagram, X, Tik Tok. Who do you follow? There are, according to datareportal.com, 4.95 billion social media users with over 215 million users in the last year alone. How many followers do you have, and where are you taking them? We follow people who have power, influence, looks, fortune or fame. We follow those who make us feel how we want to feel or look or be. Influencers, bosses, artists, actors, friends, the list is endless. You can even wrongly follow a Christian leader in the hopes they can work out the Bible, the journey for you. They can’t.

Jesus said “follow me”. He said it more than once. How closely do you follow Jesus? Close enough to see Him up ahead? Close enough to reach out your hand to Him? I vacillate ALL day long. One moment I’m within a breath, praying or praising and the next moment I look around and He is not even in my sight. I can’t even squint Him into focus. Fear is a window fogger for me. I can project years into the future in my mind and when I do, Jesus is typically not there in my imaginings. It’s just me still trying to figure out the how and the why. More days than I care to admit, following Jesus is a moment-by-moment decision for an over thinker like me. The Bible says to “take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). The Greek translation of captive here (G163) means to take captive (in war), to bring under control. If you are over thinker, you know this can be a full-time job some days. It’s exhausting. I do not naturally have the mind of Christ. I’m forgiving one moment and the next I’m asking for forgiveness for my thoughts or actions. I want to follow, and I want to lead. I want to submit myself fully to Him and I want Him to submit to my wants, my timing and my hopes. I want Him to change my thoughts for me. Oh, the wretched humanity that resides in me! I’m with Paul, I do not understand my own actions, for I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate (Romans 7:15). I am human. Laying down my wants, hopes, desires, even needs, and picking up my cross to follow Jesus is holding those two things, one in each hand, at all times. The tension is intense. It is not Me vs. Jesus, it’s me with Jesus vs. me alone. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says Let go and let God. While that is a great reminder for those who already know how, it’s salt in the wound for those of us who struggle to just let it go. The more “self” you have to begin with, the harder it is to follow obediently. “Self” being selfishness or fear, trauma or shame. Whatever makes you defend yourself and depend on yourself. Jesus wants us to give those things to Him. Are you weary, heavy burdened? I’m not going to tell you to lay it all down at His feet, He told us to do that. To come to Him, broken, banged up, hurting and lost. To bring all that baggage that makes you weary. I haven’t perfected it yet either, at least not all at once. I do know if I stay close to Him in prayer, reading His word and thinking about what I’ve read, He draws near to me. His thoughts in my thoughts, the ability to forgive, compassion for others. The ability to love in spite of the pain, the grief and anger. To put a leash on it so that I can take it for a walk, but it can’t take me for one. To step outside of myself and see the world just a little more like He does. His precious creation. The souls around me that I would pass by without a thought are the very people He loves so dearly. He loved us to death, and He loves us to resurrection and eternity too. Jesus doesn’t give us a treasure map to find Him, He is the treasure and the map. In Him are life and salvation and He is so worthy of the struggle! Keep holding your space friends, in the tension, the drama and pain. Keep turning to Him to take every thought captive. You are at the mercy of who you follow and there is only one worthy, Jesus.

©Bobbi Adams 2023

The original Narcissist

Gardening Pots” by Neslihan Gunaydin/ CC0 1.0

A few weeks ago, a man I work with tried to tell me that I did not know what I did in fact know. It really got under my skin. It’s not the first time I have described a problem to him, only for him to tell me that I’m wrong, it couldn’t be that way. He wasn’t there when the problem occurred, but he was sure that he was right, and I was wrong. I thought about it later because I felt so utterly annoyed and realized that it made me so angry because he was gaslighting me in a very small but still irksome sense of the word.

gaslighting
[ˈɡasˌlīdiNG]
 
NOUN
  1. the practice of psychologically manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, memory, or powers of reasoning:
     

He made me question myself when he wasn’t even there. He chastised me for what I said and then told me I was wrong. By the way, I wasn’t wrong, the problem really was a problem. I started praying about it, just to let it go and Jesus said to my heart “I was gaslighted too”. Oh Jesus I prayed, by the pharisees when they questioned who you are? “By Satan” was the answer I heard in my head. I had never heard it described that way! Matthew 4:1-11 is titled The Temptation of Jesus and we all know that He was tempted and tried by Satan here, but Satan was also attempting to gaslight Him as well. The first two times Satan tries to tempt Jesus he says “IF you are the Son of God..” If? If? Satan knew that Jesus was the Son of God because he knew Him in heaven! In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (John 1:1). Jesus was born here on earth, but His existence is infinite. Satan is a created being, his existence has a beginning, and you better believe it has an end. Jesus himself said He saw Satan fall like lightening from heaven (Luke 10:18). Satan being Satan, waited 40 days to come to tempt Jesus, he knew that Jesus had fasted, knew He was hungry, knew He was physically weakened. Then Satan says one of the most ridiculous things in the whole Bible. “If you are the Son of God”. Gaslighting at its finest. The more I thought about it the more I realized that Satan uses that as one of his most powerful tools. A flaming dart if you will. Think all the way back to the Garden of Eden. What was his tactic? He was gaslighting Eve to make her question her own reasoning and memory. He had her in 3 sentences. 3! Genesis 3:1-5 He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You[a] shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” This is the first example of gaslighting at its earliest inception. Mind blowing! It worked so well he has never needed to change up his arsenal. I was so excited with all the thoughts God had given me I called my daughter Makenzie to tell her and she said “Mom, it makes perfect sense because Satan was the first Narcissist”. Wait, WHAT? Oh now it’s all falling into place. Satan tries to manipulate us and make us doubt ourselves every single day and he has done this since the keeping of time began. Oh it is so much more than him trying to make you doubt. He is trying to cast you out of Eden, away from the presence of the Lord. Satan is on constant repeat whispering to our souls, Does God really love you? Oh sinful sinner, how can that be? Did you really hear from God? Does Jesus really forgive you? Are you really chosen, adopted and loved? Thank the Lord you are, we are! It is written in the word and lived out by love from the Word and just like Jesus did at the time of His tempting, so must we fight those attacks with the word of God. Eve had no idea how important she was. No idea that the world would shift and turn on its axis that day. She actually thought it was about fruit. We feel the effects of her actions every day, thousands and thousands of years later. Do you know how important you are to God’s story? I know I can be up one day, praising the Lord and the next day depending on my circumstances or behavior, I can doubt He even loves me. No matter if I believe or sit in my doubt, my purpose in the Lord never changes even if I do not know what that purpose is. How many Edens have I cast myself out of by listening to the lies of the devil? How much the Lord loves me does not diminish because I think it has. We have to fight, to hold our ground because we can. We are important to the story. Do you know every person who was instrumental in Billy Graham’s life and ministry? Me neither, but that’s my point. We have no idea how many matches it took to burn that holy wildfire. We do know that it only took 3 sentences to talk Eve out of her purpose. How many does it take you?

©Bobbi Adams 2023

The Holiness of Heaven

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Good Friday. The greatest and worst day in history. The day Jesus died for all sinners. That includes every single one of us. People get so offended at the word sin. Good for you, so does God! Being a sinner means you missed the mark, you fell short of the holiness required to save yourself and you need a Savior. Sin is everything we do as humans that God would not. There are no better or worse sinners. God does not qualify or quantify sin, we do. Our need for a Savior is in equal measure. We think of Good Friday as the day Jesus willingly died on the cross but it is so much more than that! Jesus willingly took our sins upon Himself to free us from the punishment of those sins. The torturous grace! The desperate love He has for us! We ALL collectively put Him on that cross. God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit collectively wanted and planned for it to be so! You are so deeply loved with an everlasting love. Your matter and worth are beyond anything you can comprehend. Tragedy and truth, grief and grace, pain and peace, prophecy and proof all residing in and on the only one who could save us. Jesus. We remember this day with pain, shame even. Jesus remembers this day as the day He proved to all mankind that His love was the answer. His sacrifice the cure. Oh praise Him!! Praise Him for the outrageous act of forgiveness and mercy! Praise Him for the incomprehensible eternity He has set before us! Lift your praise to meet with the praise of the angels and heavenly beings, crying out Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty! The Holiness of Heaven colliding with the hopelessness of humanity, Good Friday indeed!!

Bobbi Adams © 2023

2020

A building fell on me, on us.

If it were a bank it could have at least split the ATM open and dripped coins into our hands, but our hands are empty.

If it were a restaurant, it could comfort us with wonderful, wafting smells speaking to comfort. Oh to be a table full once again. Every seat filled with the ones we love. The chairs stand as sentinels now, watching us, watching them.

If it were an airport, it could take us far away from here. Into the silky sunshine and let us bury our toes in the sand. Our heads would be tilted back and laughter would be bursting forth.

If it were a stadium, we could be cheered on. We would hear the cheers as our own anthem GO, FIGHT, WIN! And those cheers would turn us into the scrappy underdog that always wins in the end. Our victory lap has yet to be run, we just stand with our noses in the corner, underdog pinned on our chest. For shame, for shame.

We see the feet of the passerby and say “excuse me, a building has fallen on us”. They look and say “it’s nothing, there is nothing there”.

It’s so hard to get out from under nothing.

Blue skies, nothing but blue skies.

©Bobbi Adams

Beauty Keeper

I’ve been a hair brusher, but my brush broke so I quit

I’ve been a Grand Marshal to many parades but then I looked behind me and no one was following

I’ve been a chef in the finest kitchen in the world until the diners stopped coming

I’ve been a Pioneer, pretending to make the best of what was already the best

I’ve been a Referee to some of the world’s most harmless fights, ounces of juice in a cup

I’ve been a banker, loaning money but no one is in debt to me

I’ve been a Driver, carting priceless treasure

I’ve been a Hair Stylist trying to intensify beauty that was blinding

I’ve been a Book Editor, carefully pouring over the crayola pages

I would have been an Art Critic, if there were anything to criticize but it was all beauty

I’ve have been the one to teach and preach, and drag a cooler full of sandwiches along a beach.

An item finder and homework reminder.

A cheerleader and neighborhood feeder.

A washer, dryer, dollar store kite flyer.

A bear fixer, birthday party mixer, turned medicine into magic elixir.

I’ve been poured out and filled up and lamented at my empty cup.

A story teller, past dweller, into the stratosphere, stellar.

Room mom, dress for prom.

Broken hearts held in my own, evil coming from a phone.

Prayer vigil just for one, mercy flowing from The Son.

Music planted just from me, grown and nurtured carefully.

I’ve stood in front of buses and trains, paper umbrellas in the driving rain.

Nest maker, amateur baker, morphed into giver from the taker.

Puddle jumper extraordinaire, braiding, twisting silky hair.

Money scrapping, heart aching, to give it all, painstaking.

What am I now, what has this all made me to be, a beauty keeper, naturally.

In my heart where all this dwells, the pasts hushed voices and present tells.

I hold this in my inner being, Godly sight helps me keep seeing.

Because they were, I am me, because they are, I carry it indefinitely.

Bobbi Adams © 2020

Photo Credit: Bobbi Adams

To the one named after God’s grace and an angel…

Having children brought out a crazy, fierce, protective nature in me. I wanted more than anything to protect you. To shield you from pain. Then and only then would you know how dearly you were loved and cherished. I still to this day am shocked that God chose me to be a mom. Not just any mom, but your mom! You were born with such exquisite beauty. People would stop me just to comment on how gorgeous you were. I wanted to say “I know, can you believe she’s mine?” but I would just smile and say thank you. I used to make a mental list each night before I fell asleep, did I spend enough time with you, read to you enough? Did we do enough? Was I enough? As you grew, I saw this amazing person forming. An artist, a brilliant thinker, a natural leader. The pied-piper of life. I delight in thinking about what a care-free spirit you were!

Then came the tumultuous years. You know. I don’t want or need to remind you. You’ve beat yourself up enough. But I wonder if you know, really know, that you were worth every ounce of struggle? Every tear I shed was not shed in regret, but in pain. Your pain is my pain. Your struggle is my struggle. By choice, my darling girl. You were worth every minute of lost sleep, every prayer, every everything. You still are, always will be. And as life tries to throw a cloak of shame and regret on you, I will continue to stand sentinel with a box of matches to set the shame on fire. You struggle to be independent, to be on your own. What you don’t know yet but will discover when you become a mom is, where you go, I go. Not in body, no it’s much deeper than that. It’s my heart. It willingly goes with you. Into the darkest forest, the fiercest storm, the longest night. To shield you, to light a match, to walk with you so you are never alone. I encompass you with my prayers and have seen how mightily they have been answered. I’ve seen the hand of God on your life over and over again. What you don’t realize is that you are a living miracle. Created with perfect intent and purpose. And a fierce one at that.

So when you said you didn’t believe in God anymore, my heart didn’t leap to fear. Because I know what it’s like to love you. To be so madly in love with you child. I know what it’s like to wait for you to come home. The eager anticipation of your return. I know what it’s like when you turn your full attention to me, really engaging in the moment. I know the joy you bring. The laughter, the smiles. I know what it’s like to love you first, before you were capable of thought, I adored you. And I know the prodigal son always returns. The story never changes. I don’t want you to return to me or for me. I want you to run into Your Father’s arms. To the one who made you so wondrously. To the One who taught me to love you so. If I, with my completely flawed heart can love you so much, I can’t even imagine how much God the Father loves you but I do know it’s perfectly. He took the time to put so much extra into you. So much. When He makes someone with so much, you had better believe they have an amazing purpose. I want so much for you to know that.

Since your revelation our language has become stunted. The water that flowed so freely now feels like hot lava. What do I say? What will drive you away?  Is there anything I can say to draw you closer to the throne? Harder still is to say nothing. Danger seems to lurk in the nothing. You precious child, I adore you so. But if this is what it takes, for you to travel miles from home, to a faraway land, to know, really know in your heart that your Father was for you all along then I want you to know I will be waiting at your homecoming party. Your Father stands on the hill and awaits your return. He is waiting to run to you with His arms wide open. To throw His cloak over your shoulders, to put His signet ring on your beautiful hand. To show you, you are His and He claims you no matter where you’ve been or how far away you’ve traveled. To throw a party in honor of your return. I will be there! I anticipate your return with almost as much joyful excitement and anticipation as He does. Almost.

 

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Photo Credit: Bobbi Adams